After a two month hiatus I am preparing to do my fourth show in five days. Here I am last night doing my signature piece – the dinosaur bit – at Facebreaker’s open mic at 2nd Wind Bar and Grill in Carrboro. The highlight of the night was when a random dog ran through the venue. The host said I sounded like an audio book, which is great! Narrators get paid - your average narrator probably more so than your average comic.
Usually about seven comics or more turn out for the Saturday clean open mic at Goodnights Comedy Club . The audience is usually only two or three tables (I understand it gets bigger later in the summer) This time it was just me and no audience. Brandy, who was acting as manager, told me I could go on. She brought out kitchen staff to be my audience and I did the five minutes I’d prepared. Then I did some of my other bits and ran out of steam after 28 minutes. Bragging rights? Why the hell not!
I’m totally confused by the Viagra commercials with the chicks in the slinky dresses. Why are they are lolling around on a chaise or a bed when they’re dressed for a cocktail party? Are we going out? Are we staying in? Whatever we’re doing, do I need to wear a tie?
Ok, now we’re lounging by the pool in the evening wear.
DAMN IT! SOMEONE IS WRONG ON THE INTERNET!
It’s not uncommon for people to be wrong on the internet, but two headlines this week deserve some kind of award.
If you search “gerbil black death” today (March 6th, 2015) you’ll find it reported in many online sources that rats did not carry the black plague into Europe, but instead it was brought by gerbils. This wrong idea came from a study inquiring whether the plague was introduced to Europe once or multiple times. An example is given of how gerbils in Asia spread the disease from a central source multiple times.
THIS WAS IN ASIA. In Europe the rodent bringing the fleas that carried the bacteria were good old rats, just like they told us in grade school. In the article the rats were just referred to as rodents.
Here is the original article. You’ll have to click a little to open the full content.
If you search “ethics Carolina prostitution” today, you’ll find several headlines claiming that North Carolina has legalized prostitutes for politicians. What actually happened is an open letter from the Lobbying Compliance Division of the Secretary of State’s office asked the Ethics Commission if sex between a lobbyist and a legislator was considered a reportable gift. The letter compared the sex to “a ride to the airport”. The answer stated that sex would not have a monetary value and not be reportable. (Ten dollars is the reportable threshold). The answer further stated that a lobbyist gifting a prostitute would be both reportable and illegal. In spite of the extra clarification, several online articles claimed that North Carolina had legalized prostitutes for politicians, often with a titillating photograph.
Both letters are linked to by the Raleigh CBS affiliate.
The CBS affiliate article got it right. But why should the other outlets have to make stuff up? The original letter to the Ethics Committee is bizarre enough.
I am able to fact check these things because I have too much time on my hands these days. So please call me if you need help distinguishing a rat from a gerbil, or maybe if you need a ride to the airport.
A little Brian Williams meme – I’m sure someone beat me to this…But you can fill in the blank to create an excuse for about any situation.
I feel bad that I did this joke now. When I think of the slightness of this fib compared to the huge lies manufactured for us every day I believe maybe I should take on the more important targets. Civil rights and education are being pushed down by those who profit from maintaining an underclass. I should be whack-a-moling those bastards down instead of swinging at this easy t-ball setup.